If Shakespeare were alive today he would be really fucking old. But he would also get beat up a lot because of the strange way he talked. For example, say Shakespeare was in a bar and this exchange happened:

Dude: I’m only three quarters drunk and they’re out of Wild Turkey!

Shakespeare: Ay, there’s the rub.

Violence would certainly ensue.

But more importantly no one would know what the hell he was talking about. So in the interest of culture, here are some Shakespeare quotes translated into modern language.


S-The lady doth protest too much.

M-That chick smashed a bottle over my head and kicked me in the groin. She likes me!

S-If music be the food of love, play on.

M-Dem rhymez are dope playa. Spit.

S-O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?

M-He ain’t answering his cellphone. I know he’s at the club with that ho’ Chandra!

S-What a piece of work is man.

M-That dude is an ass.

S-Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears.

M-Listen up bitches. 

S-All that glisters is not gold.

M-Man, that Rolex you bought is a fake!

There is your enlightenment for the day.